Editor’s note: This is the beginning of a new series that will run every couple of weeks: Keep It Simple Stupid. Each KISS post will address a simple aspect of marriage to remember or add in order to keep passion alive and well. Enjoy.
Routine and schedule are inevitable in marriage.
It’s so easy to fall into the trap of “doing what worked last time” to achieve whatever result you’re hoping for. The problem with this is routine leads to monotony, and monotony leads to becoming roommates in marriage rather than lovers.
The interactions become predictable. Conversations follow a script. So does sex.
To shatter the monotony for a moment, answer me this: When’s the last time you really kissed your spouse?
Not the greeting peck upon arriving home.
Not even the kissing that’s possibly part of foreplay or sex (an interesting note here is that many of the couples I’ve counseled state that part of the issue in their marriage is that even though they may still be sexually active with each other, they stopped kissing each other, even during sex).
What I’m talking about is the kissing like you used to do.
The kissing that is just kissing. No groping her back side or trying to get a hand in her pants or shirt. And no trying this as a segue into sex.
Just a good, long, wet, passionate kiss.
Heads up fellas, I’m coming at you in this post.
When you step up and do this, most women will respond well.
Most women respond to confidence in their man. They also respond to strength. Which is why I’m speaking directly to the fellas. Most women want their man to be the Alpha in the relationship. To pursue them. To engage them.
It will send shock waves deep down inside her, and you. It will allow her to get comfortable in your arms and your presence. And it will likely provide a deeper connection with each other.
Ready? Here’s what you do:
Approach her during one of your normal passing by each other times, or even when interacting with each other during the day. Slide up to her and wrap her in your arms. It’s likely best to tell her what you’d like to do. You can say something like “It’s been a long time since we really kissed. I want to kiss you to 10 seconds, but I have one condition…” She’s pretty much forced to ask what it is. Then you reply with a confident and playful smile, “You have to pretend to like it.”
Then you hold her and go in for the kiss.
One thought is that you follow Hitch’s advice and only go 90% of the way. Her going the remaining 10% engages her in the kiss and keeps her from passively accepting what’s happening.
The other thought is that you simply slide up to her, wrap her in your arms, and kiss her.
It’s up to you.
What you’ll discover is that after 5 or 6 seconds she’ll let you “in” and she’ll become quite passionate about the kiss. Actually, you both will.
It’s very important that you don’t use this for sex in the moment. Even if she’s really interested.
This move is something you use for emotional connection – not sex (at least in the moment, that possibly comes later).
And again, don’t try coping a feel, kiss her.
After the 10 seconds have passed (or longer if you both wish), break the connection and go on about your day. This will plant a lasting connection seed for both of you.
For some variations of this idea: If she’s wearing pants or shorts with pockets in the front, place two fingers in each of her pockets and lock her into the kiss. Or you can place both your hands behind her neck during the kiss. You can even grab her arms and place them around your neck, bringing her up to you during the connection.
The great thing about this move, you can even do this in front of your kids.
Adapted from Athol Kay of Married Man Sex Life